Not In Kansas Anymore

• So I moved 2 1/2 hours away from home with a guy I had been dating for six months. Our whole relationship was based on using. Once again my addiction has turned me into an idiot. I began working at a salon full of using addicts. Everyone there smoked pot, did cocaine, drank, smoked crack, or all of the above. We were a classy bunch.
  
  One of the girls I worked with had a boyfriend that sold cocaine. He would become my connection for many years even after I moved back up north. Nick and I started buying some on weekends. He was drinking age, and I wasn't , so sometimes he'd go out to the bars and I would stay at home alone and use. I'd slowed my drinking way down. I would have a drink here and there. Usually he came home soused enough for us both.
  
  Actually we got along pretty well, until the cocaine use became more frequent. We would budget our bills and rent out so we could spend the rest on our using. We had a shared checking account, which was a huge mistake. I started to get calls from businesses where he had bounced checks, so I began to cover those. I went to pull money out of our account one day and he had nearly cleaned out the account.
  
  I confronted him, and he became angry with me! He swore he wouldn't squander our money on drugs again. Some time passed and things calmed down a little. One day I came home from work and went to put some of my tip money in a stash spot I had. I managed to save about $130. I pulled the little bag out and there was $5 left. I was beyond angry. I was fed up with my trust being violated.
  
  When he came home we had it out. Needless to say our relationship came to a screeching halt shortly after. Things were thrown, we cheated on each other, and I packed up and moved out of the apartment and into my brother and sister-in law's apartment. I did end up having to return to clean it out after he was evicted. I also got stuck with part of the judgment on that. I also picked up the tab for a string of bounced checks that surfaced later.
  
  Living with my brother wasn't the easiest, I love them both dearly, but I felt like a third wheel. They worked early in the morning and I usually worked PM shift at the salon. I spent most of my time out of the house partying with friends. I wasn't old enough to go to the bars yet, so I would spend time with older friends that could buy alcohol.
  
  It was a very lonely era in my life. I felt very alone. I really had no support system to speak of. I had drunk dialed so many family members and friends I had scared them off. I wasn't seriously dating anyone, and nor did I have the desire to date anyone for a while. I certainly had enough using buddies, but I was becoming acutely aware of the fact I really had no real friends anymore. The real friends I had left I managed to push away with my using. I lived with a sibling and barely spoke.
  
  I had a minor falling out with my sister-in-law and decided to move out on my own again. We mended our differences rather quickly, but I still needed my own space. I set out apartment hunting, and managed to find a one bedroom near my a using buddy of mine. It seemed like it was a resonably decent neighborhood, but to my dismay it became part of some of the worst memories in my life.