Feeling Good

• Like most drug addicts I like to feel good. There were a lot of negative emotions as a teen that I wanted to hide from. I felt emotionally abandoned by my my parents. As I said before the wedge between my mom and I had started around the time I was 12.
  
  She was finishing nursing school, and all of the sudden seemed to resent me. She became very cold, and mean. I was in seventh grade getting ready for cheerleading tryouts, and she informed me that I was too fat to be a cheerleader. I was devastated. At 12 I needed my both my parents to help guide me through the tough times that I was going through. I wasn't sure what I did, but I felt terrible about it.
  
  Anyways,drugs filled the void, and made those feelings of inferiority go away. They took me to a place that was fun, exciting, and euphoric.  Anything could be going on in life, and a little pot or alcohol would alleviate the feelings. At this point in my using career I didn't feel the guilt and self-loathing that came later. It was all fun and games.
  
  By the time I was 15 I had calmed down a little at home. I got a job and started to improve in school. I was a "functional" addict. I also had an amazing group of friends at that time, people I'm still friends with to this day. They weren't just using buddies, but good people.
  
  Don't get me wrong, I was still using daily, but it seemed there was a little peace in my mind.
  
  I started to use drugs to feel good about myself, laugh, and have good feelings that I never really had experienced since I was a child. I continued to use drugs to feel good, but eventually my drug use took me down roads that led to situations that I did feel guilty and ashamed over. The drugs then were used to cover up those emotions. And the drugs I used shifted continuously in a feeble attempt to find the right one to completely mask all the negative and bring out the positive feelings and emotions.

*This was written earlier and should've been placed ahead of some of these other posts.