This is possibly one of the hardest things for me to discuss. I know that if I hadn't been using it never would have happened, but it still doesn't excuse the other parties behavior. It makes me feel ashamed, and downright gross when I talk, or think about it. So here goes.......
One night I decided to walk up to one of the nearby watering holes from my apartment. It was a balmy July night, and I wanted to be out and about. I proceeded to get drunk, mind you I wasn't to the point of blackout drunk. The crowd that night was a little on the grungy side, and I wasn't gonna stick around. There were two men with thick accents next to me being rather lude. (I think the accent was possibly Russian.) I was ignoring them for the most part.
They slipped something into my drink. I left and began to walk home, I was drunk, but was suddenly feeling really fuzzy and blurry. I have a slight memory of the men pulling up beside me in a van and asking if I wanted a ride. I refused. One got out and forced me in. I put up a fight, but not good enough.
The next thing I remember was coming to several hours later naked, locked in a childs bedroom, and begging them to let me leave. They refused and left the room. I had no clue where I was, and no idea what had happened. I knew I had to get out of there no matter what.
I found my shorts, but no other clothing. I grabbed the sheet off the bed, kicked the screen out of the window, and jumped out. I looked around and saw I was only 3 buildings away from my own. I booked to my friends house which was nearby and woke him up. He didn't know what to do with me, I didn't know what to do with me. He gave me some clothes to change into, and contemplated what to do.
I was due at work the next day, but I was in such a state I just stayed at my friends and shut my phone off. We ended up going to my apartment to get my cat, and a few days worth of clothing, because I was too scared to be alone. When we were there a co-worker and her boyfriend came to check on me, because it wasn't like me to disappear.
I explained what had happened, and she and the guys took me to the hospital. They conducted a rape kit, and had the police come and take a statement.
I called my mom and told her, she offered to come get me. Work was giving me a leave of abscence for at least 2 weeks. The following day I had to go to the police station to be photographed nude. I was covered with bruises, and had handprints on my neck and breasts, as well a bite mark.
The men were arrested, but no charges were ever brought. Kind of got the feeling the cops saw "I had it coming." I ended up losing my job, because all I did was use and couldn't get my shit together. I loved that job, and was sad that I had to find a new one.
After the incident my using skyrocketed. I couldn't face myself at all. I was disgusted and ashamed of myself. I was pissed that nothing ever happened to those assholes. I was a wrecked hot mess.
Now I still hate talking about it, but there are some things to be grateful for: I didn't have a child as a result, no diseases, it's really a blessing that I don't remember much (although the PTSD comes out in my sleep), and I'm positive Karma will take it's toll at some point. I can also speak out to other females, and hopefully inspire them to get their own horrors off their chests. This particular experience I used to refuse to speak of, and it kept me more sick than anyone can imagine.
This was a consequence of my using. I didn't deserve that, no one does, but this would never had happened if I was clean.
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