The Final Douchebag

As I've said before I dated all sorts of assholes throughout the years. Most of them were abusive in some way shape, or form. My guess is I bagan following the pattern early in life in some relation to the abuse I went through as a child.

So Here I am fresh in recovery, broke up with my fiance'. What would've been a perfect opportunity for me to get to know myself and really dive into my recovery process turned into a self-induced nightmare. Old habits die hard.

I began dating yet another guy I met in treatment. He's much older than me, and like any other guy I had dated in the past, he started off very caring, even-tempered, and appeared to be a good guy. It seems like every guy I had dated in the past seemed ok, and then when the six month hit they turned into complete jerks.

Shortly after we began dating he relapsed with his son, and went back into treatment just before Thanksgiving. I wasn't too upset, relapse happens. We're addicts, using is what we do. When he got out he seemed to make a reasonable effort to stay clean. But knowing what I know now, it was all a lie. I believe that he used throughout our relationship. He was a sneaky shit about it too. Only on a few occasions was I positive he was high.

He and his son had the most dysfuntional relationship between father and son I'd ever seen. They were more like buddies, or brothers. They moved to Eagle River from Rhinelander and were constantly fighting. His son was using and I'm sure he was too. But his son would often get angry and kick him out. So being the softie I am, I was always trying to find him places to stay with friends.

On one occasion his son kicked him out, locked him out, and stole a portable DVD player I had let him. He probably pawned it, and I pressed charges. I had gone out of my way to help this kid on several occasions and was tired of getting burned. Eventually he convinced me to drop the charges and agreed to buy me a new player, which of course never happened.

Finally the boyfriend ended up at my parents house, paid zero rent, never lifted a finger to help me or my parents. (Nice, I know.) On a few of my mom and my journey's up to Minnesota we dropped him off to visit family. And he always appeared to be higher than a kite on return trips, or sleep for 15 hours straight.

In this time period I began to get in closer contact with a friend of mine I was in treatment the second time. He was in prison for a drunk driving accident in which he hurt his passenger. He got word that he would be going to McNaughton, so I would be able to visit him.

My boyfriend was a jealous freak. He instantly thought something ws going on that wasn't. Anytime I went to meetings, or anywhere without him for that matter he was always drilling me, or asking if my ex was around. Just very childish behaviors.

On one of the occasions I plaaned to see my friend I was going to be at an NA campout. My boyfriend had to work, and was actually going to spend some time with his sister who was in town. At this time he had moved back in with his kid and wasn't mooching off me, or my parents.

His sister took him out to the bar and he got drunk, and apparently was on pills at the time too. He went into a jealous rage and was calling my phone non-stop. So I just threw it in my Explorer at the campground to charge while I went to attempt to gain some serenity. Which worked! I was in a great mood when I went back to my tent to curl up and watch a movie. When I retreived my phone there were so many missed calls and text messages I figured he lost his damn mind.

I finally answered one of his phone calls and he had taken his kids car out to St. Germain and ran it out of gas. Being the idiot I am, agreed to pick him up if he was not under the influence and bring him to the campround. When I arrived at the grocery store he was at he was convinced I had slept with my friend, and in a fit of rage. I asked to smell his breath, but he refused and hopped in my car before I could stop him.

I told him I just wanted him to go to sleep when we got to the campground, and we would talk in the morning. Well it didn't work that way. On the way out he went from angry to hurt over something that never happened. At one point he grabbed my purse and through it out the car window.

I stopped and killed the engine and grabbed a flashlight to get my belongings out of the woods. He got out and followed me and tried to drag me back to the car. I shook him off, I wasn't leaving my wallet and everything else in the woods. He went back to the car, found my extra set of keys, and when I heard the engine fire up I ran to the car, and as I went to jump in he put it in drive and stomped the gas while I was not fully in the vehicle. Somehow I managed to get in and stop the car. I had to wrestle the keys away from him.

I turned around and went back once again to finish picking up my stuff. I found it all and got back into the car. I went to grab my phone, because I was going to get to the campground and call the police. Unfortunatley he saw me reaching for the phone and forced it out of my hand. He oredered me to drive him back to his kids house in town and he would give the phone back.

Fine, I didn't want to deal with his drunk ass anymore anyways. At several points he reached his leg over the center console and either stomped on my foot on the gas, or tried to stomp the brake. What he was trying to accomplish, I'm not sure. He shattered the iPod addapter in the process, and my hands were bleeding from struggling to get control of my keys, or phone. I was crying, and furious at the same time. He was screaming in my ear while I was driving, calling me a bitch, whore, and all sorts of other colorful adjectives.

Everything came to a final head on highway J. He reached over stomped the gas, then the brake. My car swerved and skidded to a stop on the side of the road. I thought we were going to crash for sure. On the side of the road he began crying and I was waiting for the right moment to grab the phone and hop out of the car. I went for it and he grabbed me by the throat and tried to wrap his legs around me in order to restrain me.

I managed to break free and got out of the car and like I though he followed. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was calling the police since he assaulted me. I went to get back in my car, and he said: "Assault? I'll show you assault!" He then elbowed me in the face and struggled to get the phone back and my keys. I managed to break free once again, got in my car without him or my phone and just took off.

I went down the road turned around and headed back to the campground. I could use one of my friends phones. When I drove past the point where this all happened he was gone. I presume he went to hide in the woods.

When I got back to the campground I borrowed a phone, called a friend of mine to come sit with me. I wanted to wait to call the police since I was terrified. I went to hide in my tent with the phone and tried to calm down. I could feel my eye swelling up, was exhausted, dirty and bleeding.

Much to my surprise the cops showed up on their own. The son of a bitch had the nerve to call the police on me with my own phone and said I threw him out of a moving vehicle. That's hilarious, because if you've ever met me I'm 5'2" and at the time was driving an Explorer. In order for me (and the police saw with their own eyees) to reach over a person and open the door I would have to have both feet off the floor and wouldn't be able to see over the dashboard.

So of course I pressed charges and explained my side of the story and was not arrested. I found out later the DA in Onieda county was pushing for some stupid charges. I was irrate. I was the victim and never touched the dumbass. They took pictures of my injuries, and the following day I got my phone back that the cops confiscated from him.

I got no sleep, but my NA family picked up my tent and all of my belongings and moved me right next to all of them. The campground was also notified with his picture to call the police if he tried to get in.

I wish this sick story ended here, but like I said old habits die hard. I had a pattern that I needed to break. We got back together and things actually went back to normal for a short time. We got an apartment together. It wasn't long before he was constantly accusing me of being up to something all the time.

When I was at work he would text me and accuse me of sleeping with my male coworker. He called me fat all the time, dumb, psychotic, bitch, whore, and anything I'd ever told him in confidence in the past he used against me. He said some of the meanest things I'd ever been called and I refuse to repeat them on this blog. He made it his mission in life to make me miserable.His kid even went out of his way to make me miserable.

His hours got cut at work so I ended up picking up the slack financially. He already owed me money for when he was short on rent. And my mom had the brilliant idea of getting him a phone on my service. Well, he abused the shit out of it, and I had it suspended. He flew off the handle and I said I was done. I went and looked at another appartment, but he decided to go.

When he left he stole a brand new Blackberry I had as my backup phone, and I was puzzled by odd Facebook posts making me look like a jerk. So I changed my password and cured that problem. He finally got all of his crap out of my house, but texted me nonstop.

If I had a friend over he was asking who was there, and who was I sleeping with. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I was looking over my shoulder at all times and as soon as it hinted at sunset I pulled the drapes. It wasn't too long he and his kid got into it, and he asked to store some stuff in my garage. I said fine as long as it was out of my way, and organized. So he did the opposite of what I asked. Shocker, I know.

It wasn't long before all messages and calls stopped from him. I figured he went to jail, and I was right. He and his dumb kid got nailed for stealing 5 chainsaws from Ace Hardware in Eagle River. How stupid could you be. His probation got revoked and off he went. I still got a few phone calls and letters. I finally told him that upon his release he was to get his shit out of my garage and I never wanted to lay eyes on him again.

I went to organize his stuff in my garage before I wrote the letter and found needles, which was a huge trigger for me. I promptly called my mom and she got rid of them. I also ran across his phone which I had shut off. I decided to keep it for a back up. When I charged it I found lewd photos and text messages from some bimbo he had been cheating on me the whole time with!

I finally got to the point where I was fed up. I'd rather be alone and happy, than be miserable with someone. I was never going to waste my time on another asshole com hell or high water. I was done being taken advantage of and abused. Never again. I was breaking the cycle once and for all.

Fast forward 6 months of peace and quiet and getting to know myself. This was the longest I had ever gone without a relationship. So I detoxed from toxic relationships. I began to get a little lonely, and the gal I worked with along with one of our customers, knew my whole history and went on a mission to find me a sweetheart.

One day the girl texted me and invited me to a campfire. I knew it was a setup, but I went. That was the day I met Dave. I never thought I'd ever meet someone as sweet, funny, and genuinely kind as him. We began dating and have been together ever since, and I couldn't be happier.

I was dumb for sticking around with the asshole. I was following old sick behavior, and didn't think there was another way to live, until I got angry enough at myself and surrendered to my sick ways and decided to look for a better way.

It's nothing short of a miracle that I stayed clean around him, I'm so grateful for my recovering family. Without them I couldn't have done it.

And I'm grateful to my "normie" friends who helped set me up with Dave and are supportive of my recovery. I'm so blessed to have such great people in my life who love me and care. I hope they know how much I love them back! <3