I've decided to share my first year of recovery in segments. Because with each part there was a lesson, or something good that came from each part, as well as each part having a story behind it.
So I was a few weeks clean, going to 6-8 meetings a week, and staying VERY close to my support system. I went to meetings, and went home, with the occasional outing with a recovering friend that was all I did.
Let me back up just a minute here. During the summer there was a good handful of us in recovery that hung out together. Out of that group 2 of us are clean as of this date. There was 6-8 of to start with.
One of the people in that group was named Trent. A beautiful soul, and a boy after my own heart. He was into punk music and clothes and funky hair. There never an attraction, but we were buds. Trent and my friend Doug lived together. Our little group would often go to meetings and then go back to their place to watch movies, or play Wii.
Trent ended up moving out and into a place with a girlfriend who used. He went back out using. We were all crushed, especially Doug. One day I was at Doug's and Trent called. I picked up the phone and talked with him for a good hour. He said he knew what he had to do, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it anymore. (Talking about recovery.) He also said I was the only person he felt hadn't judged him. I know that's not true, I just tend to have a softer approach. When I hung up the phone I knew that was going to be the last time I spoke with Trent.
And it was. early November I woke up to more text messages and voicemails than I had in a while. Trent was dead, he took his own life. His dad and a few of his siblings had committed suicide around the same age. So I'm not going to lie about my feelings. I was very angry with him in a way. He fullfilled a destiny that didn't need to be, but I was also heartbroken. I lost a friend, and another addict died.
I had the stomach flu so bad when his funeral came around, but I went. I knew I would kick myself for the rest of my life if I didn't go and be with my friends, and say goodbye the proper way. He was a beatiful soul, and I'm happy that he no longer has to fight the battle. I'm sure he's at peace. Love you Trent!
So that was my first experience with death fresh into recovery. I've been around death my whole life, but never did I ever face it clean.
A few months past and a lifelong friend of mine, someone I manipulted, took advantage of, and hurt numerous times througout my using, his mother's cancer came back. She was a dear sweet lady and I was close to her as well. I stole lots of medication from her over the years, and if she knew about it (which I'm pretty sure she did) she never treated me any different. She was always the same kind lady no matter what.
I had a plan for saying goodbye. I wanted my dad to go with me and be attatched to my hip, so I couldn't have the opportunity to take any morphine if I wanted to. I also debated making an ammends to her about the things I did.
She wound up in the hospital which eliminated the need for a babysitter. My friend was going with me to see his mom. I decided not to make an ammends to her in the traditional way. That would've been very selfish of me to lay everything on her while she was on her death bed. I knew that she would've forgiven me for my wrong-doings anyways. So while I was there with her I prayed silently, for her forgiveness and for my higher powers forgiveness. And I know that both were there.
Here's the nasty part of addiction, and how fucked up the addict inside is. I was sitting at her funeral and knowing that everyone was going to the reception at a restaurant outside of town, and I started going back into old behavior and thought about sneaking over there and seeing if there were any meds left in the house.(Just to clarify this lady was not an addict.)
Luckily some deep breaths and prayer cured that. I also told on myself at the next meeting I was at.
Skip a few months ahead, on my 6 month anniversary my friend Victor died of an overdose. He was a staple at all of our events. He was always there playing volleyball at the Washburn campout. It was quite shocking to me. He was always around ever since I'd first been around recovery. He was someone I saw as having it "together".
He worked hard at keeping the meetings in the Asland area going, and worked at Red Cliff treatment facility. He was ouspoken and fun to be around. He was a source of inspiraion for the lives around him that he touched.
A short time later I was reading my Basic Text and turned to page 74, chapter 7 Recovery and Relapse. This it what it reads at the very top: "If you have a hard time, read this chapter 2x a day and it will help. Love, Victor Reyes" It gave me chills and brought me back to the fact that this disease can take anyone at anytime if we are not diligent.
It came out a short time after Victor's death he had a heart issue, and all it took was one time. Too bad he didn't listen to his own advice.
Addiction is a deadly debilitating disease that affects millions every day. In 2009 we kicked off the year with 12 drug related deaths in about a 6 week timeframe. For this small area that an enormous amount. So please feel free to add someones name in the comments if you know someone who has died from addiction. And may they all rest in peace.
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